i want to be

we always look around to the people around us

I want to be the girl

who dresses all in neutrals,

linen folded into soft shapes,

a colour palette of soft beige,

white, black, greys, browns,

that never asks for attention

but always looks sophisticated,

elegant,

tidy,

has her shit together,

the girl who has a clean, minimal space,

a desk with nothing but a lamp,

a wardrobe that just fits everything inside,

a bed that looks untouched,

a single plant thriving and loving life in the corner,

she orders pistachio ice cream

without hesitation,

chooses her toppings like a ritual,

never doubting what she loves

because she already knows

i want to be that girl,

plain,

steady,

mindful of herself

and nothing more

the girl who sees things as simple,

as small,

as safe

but i’m not her,

i’m too full of colour,

pulling fabrics of leopard,

pinks,

polka dots,

because they are neutrals to me

i am the girl who changes her coffee order

at the last second,

who changes her vision boards,

over and over

who holds every sentimental treasure,

cards, pictures, letters,

every moment close

every moment there,

and refuses to throw them out

I am not minimal,

i am abundance,

i am an explosion of love,

i am noise, bloom and serenity,

my kind of serenity,

my kind of peace,

my kind of minimal

like that feeling you get after touching grass barefoot,

or putting your head under the ocean water,

maybe i do not need

to be plain,

to be safe,

or soft enough to fade into the background

i was made for my own kind of light,

the kind that spills in colour,

that changes, that wonders,

that loves

that loves

that loves,

in many ways i want to be that girl,

but as time goes on

i just want to me be,

i went through wars to be her,

authentically,

messy,

perfectly me

for that’s enough,

it’s enough

it’s enough

lots of love,

love emm xxxxxx