i'm right here

half year reflections

It’s that time of year again,

honestly i’m still shocked

we’ve made it into the middle of the year

i still don’t enjoy the limelight,

but love matcha still

i’m around people i feel seen by

which still can be daunting,

the eye contacts when things happen,

the knowingness of souls,

and the matching humour we share

the ptsd still pops up,

but it’s not as scary

and doesn’t define all my days

the hard feelings still come,

but no longer linger

like a dark cloud over my head

i love my sleep ins,

and love seeing sunrises too

i’ve had less tears,

and many smiles

it’s already been a year of so much

so much joy,

so much grief,

so much brought up to the surface,

and so much let go

i still can’t choose my favourite song,

but know that off campus

rules my life

i still struggle that people around me

may see me in ways that isn’t me

or the way my inner self

worries that i am selfish

cruel,

cold,

heartless

but i’m so full of love,

so full of whim,

that some of these worries,

may not even be

i love wearing butter yellow

and still have grey hair coming,

i still pick up frangipanis from the ground

and stop to smell the roses,

i still can’t take compliments,

but don’t push them away

i’m grateful

i’m thankful

for every little thing,

and big things too

for people who stayed,

for people who left,

for the realisations,

for the laughter,

for all the love around,

for the frosty mornings

and the warm nights,

for all of it,

it’s crazy how once upon a time,

it didn’t feel like i’d get here,

but how magical,

that i get to be here,

i’m me,

i’m messy

but clean

this is the most me i’ve ever been,

and i wouldn’t change a thing

to come here,

to be here,

full of love

lots of love,

love emm xxxxx