patching up

mending the seams

It’s woven together,

like patching up a quilt,

every day you have to work at it,

but sometimes you feel

too much of it all

like

the sadness

of not having

and the excitement

of what is,

how do you dare

keep moving forward with that?

i always say it coexists,

but some days hit harder than others,

sometimes it’s just overwhelming

to feel it

all at once,

and i can feel it dragging me under

i wish it was the latter rather

than everything else,

and it’s funny,

because you’ll never know,

if that person was going to send a message

or if they stared at your name,

or paused

on a photo of you both,

or if they think of you at all

or what the person was thinking

before they passed,

what they were carrying,

that no one else could see

you’ll just never know,

unanswered questions

that you give an answer too

sometimes you just want to sit there,

but you also aren’t there anymore

and what’s worth fighting for,

isn’t what’s in the past,

it’s whats right now

it’s right here,

you can’t change the past,

you can’t fix the past

but you can change,

how you feel about the past

and most of all

i choose to do the work

to keep stitching the quilt back together

even when my hands become tired

and when i get all

twisted around,

when the seams

become loose,

i’ll pick up the needle

and begin again.

lots of love,

love emm xxxxxx